Me, Myself, and Life

I really haven't discussed my life that much--for privacy reasons--but I decided to talk about it now. My whole online presence is a secret from my family, so I really can't discuss my location or my real last name online.

This post will be kind of like the "back story" to be able to understand what's happening without me having to tell you everything.

Where do you live?

I live in Wisconsin, USA, in Dodge County. I'll tell you that much. It's very rural, with not a lot of people. The biggest city we have has 16,000 people living in it, and it's basically a metropolis. I live on a dairy farm, surrounded by fields and animals. It's extremely boring, and I don't care too much for farms. I didn't choose the farm life; the farm life chose me. The county is vastly Republican, unfortunately. The country is pretty--to a point. It gets pretty boring pretty fast. I hate living on a farm, as I have no idea how city life plays out, thus, a lot of the stories I've written that take place in a city are most likely to be wrong, therefore, I write most of my stories to take place in rural areas. I hate living on a farm. We have a produce garden that takes up our time during the summer, and we grow all sorts of crap. It's extremely unsanitary, and we all hate it, because we rarely wash the food before we eat them and the food's all covered in mold and bugs. We must have been immune to some sort of disease, because we rarely get food poisoning. A lot of people who have eaten our food has gotten sick, and I'm surprised that they never sued. During the summer, we also bale hay. My dad does all of the actual cutting, raking, and baling of the hay, but us kids help unload it into the haymow. In the haymow, it's very claustrophobic, musty, and you can't really breathe. Even if there was air to breathe, there'd be a ton of hay that'd end up in your mouth, anyways. Dad throws a bale on an elevator--not like the city kind. There's a picture of one in the top right corner. Dad throws one on the lower part, and the elevator brings it up into the mow. Then, typically the eldest in the mow would grab the bale and throw it to the others, who'd stack it, and after we get three or four vertical layers of bales, then people would climb up, and the eldest would grab the bales and throw them up. Things get pretty frustrating when we keep stacking higher and higher until the very high ceiling, then we have one person (usually me) throwing them up, to the next person who'd throw up, then the next person, then the next, then the next, until it reaches the top. We get very very sweaty and full of hay. Scratchy hay will tear at our flesh as well, and then we're spraying blood all over the place. A lot of times, we're passing out from lack of oxygen, or throwing up because we swallowed a bunch of hay.
Sorry. I like to ramble. :)

What's your family like?

Great question. I have eight sisters, two brothers, a mother, a father, literally over a hundred cousins (my dad came from a hella large family), a slew of aunts and uncles, a single set of grandparents, a step-grandfather, two nephews, a niece, and I'm, like, the great great great great great (keep saying great for, like, twelve times) grand-nephew of George Washington through a marriage. My family is primarily German, but I'm also Norwegian, English, Scottish, French, Italian, Irish, and basically every other European nationality.
One thing that I don't like about my family, is that they really don't feel special to me. It's downright terrifying, but everyone else feels the same. We seldom bond, and it just seems like everyone's just people that we just happen to know. There's not a whole lot of friendships amongst us, and we typically don't even have non-family friends, either. We like to be alone.
My oldest brother, whom I'll call Jason, is married, has two sons and a daughter. My mom doesn't like him, his wife, or his children, because they aren't Catholic, and are, instead, Protestant (I'll talk about mom in a bit). He lives not too far away, on a small farm, next to one of my sisters. He loves farming and machinery.
My oldest sister, Jacque, is married and lives an hour away. My mom hates her and her husband for the same reason she doesn't like Jason's family. Mom also hates her because she's a Democrat. Mom also used to beat Jacque up as a kid, and she's pretty scarred because of that. She's a nurse at a hospital near Milwaukee.
Next in line is Aimee, who is single and lives in a cheap apartment. She is a manager at a Culvers, and has actually been named one of the best managers of the Culvers chain in the US! She's extremely fun to be around, really funny, and sarcastic.
After Aimee comes Heather. She's really quiet, lives next to Jason, and loves books, movies, and dogs. She's terrifying. She's muscular, and has a very short temper. Even mom is afraid of her. If she likes you, you are considered lucky.
After her, comes Hannah, who is very promiscuous, smart, and will rub every achievement she gets in your face. She brags a lot, is very skinny, and not a lot of people like her. She's very pretty, I must admit, but she constantly brags about it. Mom loves her to death and makes her feel all special and shit, but I'll talk more about mom in a bit.
After Hannah comes a set of twins! Angie and Emmy. Angie is smart, pretty, funny, and is stressed out most of the time. She loves cats. She is a perfectionist. She is a piano virtuoso. Her room is always spotless, and she's also really depressed as well because of her sucky childhood and has contemplated suicide a lot. She plans on becoming a small-animal veterinarian. Emmy is a carefree, chubby, funny, sarcastic asshole that everyone loves to be around. She's currently a parole officer in Madison.
Then there's me. I'm horribly dumb, ugly, and secretive. I'm not even lying. I have a huge-ass forehead, a face full of acne, crooked teeth, have cheated on almost every test I've ever taken, spends all of my free-time living in my bedroom, and will most likely end up living in a dark alleyway as an adult. I plan on having several small jobs, like a musician, photographer, writer, *possibly* a journalist (I love watching the news and reading the newspaper), will probably work in retail or at a McDonalds.
Then comes Karlie. She is a nervous wreck most of the time, loves animals, loves to read and play with her toy horses, and is also rather funny. She's currently borrowing a ton of books from my sisters and I. She loves the YouTuber Jenna Marbles and Christine Riccio.
Then comes Karlie's partner-in-crime, Olivia ("Livi" for short). She's kind of.... weird. I really don't know much about her.
The youngest in the family (and by far the worst), is Preston. He is a lazy slob, won't do any schoolwork, watches TV all of the time, is almost eight years old and cannot recite the alphabet, and he is constantly spoiled by mom. He worships (literally worships) the Green Bay Packers, and we are all so fed up with his sports phase and want it to be over.
My dad is super chill. He's basically like one of us kids. He secretly gives us candy, we bitch about life together, and he's extremely fun to be around. He has spent so much time outside that his skin is permanently dark. He doesn't want his name associated with neither the Republican nor Democrat parties because he cannot stand either one, but his views are pretty Liberal. He respects everyone for who they are and doesn't hate anyone just because they're different than he is.
If my life was a reality show, guess who'd be the star of it? My mom. She's an extremist when it comes to politics and religion. She's a devout Straight Republican American White Catholic™, and hates literally anyone who doesn't perfectly fit that description. Let me give you a little background on her life.
I have no idea where she grew up, as she doesn't like to talk about it, but her Protestant parents divorced when she was little, and it scarred her for life. Her side of the family is famous for their stubbornness, their tempers, and lack of communication. So, anyways, she married my dad when she was a teenager and converted to Catholicism. She was a strong-hearted Democrat at the time, and she never went to church. My family was public-schooled up until I came along, and my mom was constantly making things rough. The older kids were not aloud to have any friends, and were required to tell mom everything that happened at school, what they learned and what they saw. Everyday when they'd get back from school, she'd beat them up and yell at them for "sitting on their asses all day" while there's work to do outside. Jacque actually told a teacher about mom, and my parents got into a little bit of legal troubles in the '90s. Mom doesn't have any real friends, and she never has. They only "friends" she has are ones that she has met online and thinks that she's a good person. Mom would always lounge around the house, yelling at the kids to cook for her, to clean for her, to do everything for her. I remember that she'd always sit in her Lazy Boy and watch Ma and Pa Kettle movies 24-7. My mom would forbid us kids to go to church because it was a waste of time, and she was an alcoholic, chain-smoking wreck. We also had a produce business, and we had fields and fields of vegetables and fruits to plant, weed, water, and harvest. Mom pulled us out of school so that we could work in the fields and we never got a good education. To this day, I can barely do simple math.
Then came 2010.

Mom did a complete one-eighty. She suddenly became a religious psychopath, an extreme Republican, and started hating everyone even more than before. She lived on the computer, and basically told all of her Facebook friends about how great her family was. She surrounded herself with people who thought exactly like her, and if one single person had an opposing opinion (whether it be as small as which side of the toilet paper roll should face the toilet), she'd unfriend that person and never speak to them again. She is constantly preaching about Jesus and how women, non-whites, gays, lesbians, non-Catholics, Liberals, and people who preferred cats over dogs will burn in the everlasting flames of Hell. She has bought numerous expensive Bibles (we're dirt poor), expensive religious idols, religious books, religious CDs, religious shirts, and basically turned our house into a fucking basilica. She's pressuring us all of the time to never fall victim to the evil-doers (anyone who doesn't think how she does), and that she's going to heaven and is dragging everyone along with her. This may sound harsh, but nobody likes her. We all claim that we do, but she has ruined the lives of everyone who has ever met her, whether it be her father or a cashier at Walmart.
So, that's my messed-up family.

What's school like?

HAHAHA. I don't go to school, and the "school" that we have, we call "schoolwork." We only do schoolwork for about an hour or two, then mom has a bunch of stuff for us to do. I've taken practice SAT tests, and have gotten, like, a 30% score on almost all of them. I know that I'm only fourteen, but I know how dumb I am because I can hardly answer any questions on tests I get now because I had no education as a child, so now I have to try to understand algebra and geometry without knowing simple mathematics. It's terrible. And, now, I need to try to narrow down colleges. I'm probably going to skip college because:
a) I only have one place of employment at the moment.
b) I don't have the brains.
c) My fields of interests don't really require college, anyways.
I may go to a tech school, but if I were to go to a college, it would be Edgewood College. It's a private liberal arts school in Madison, and Emmy loves it there. It's Catholic, but it's Liberal and very diverse. I feel like I would like it there. I sincerely wish that I would have been public schooled, because my mom would never teach us and now we're all a bunch of dumb-asses who can't seem to get anywhere in life.

Where do you work?

I am the head pianist of my parish ("parish" as in, like, a Catholic parish), and I play at a couple of churches in it. I select the hymns, I practice them, I am also the song leader and song announcer. I don't get paid much, and I'm currently trying to find more employment. I've been playing piano at church for over a year, now, and I'm basically the only one playing. My sister, Hannah, plays at one of the churches when she comes home from college, and an elderly fat man (whom I'll call Dick just because), plays at another church when he's feeling up to it.
Now, my mom is helping me set up jobs at another diocese, and I'll probably be playing piano everyday from Saturday to Wednesday. This other diocese pays significantly better than the other one, and I'll also be doing more masses with it. I can't wait! I hope to get a car once I get a driver's license, and you need money for that.

What are your future plans?

I plan to become a writer/journalist/photographer/musician/graphic designer/artist kind of thing. I probably won't get married as young as my parents did, and I probably won't get married at all. I already talked about college, so I won't talk about that. I really don't have too many plans for the future, to be honest, but I prepare for the worst.

In conclusion...

This is my backstory, an autobiography of sorts. It will be the blueprint for what's to come. :) I basically wrote a 2.5 thousand word story of my life.